Marriage and Decision Making

Marriage and Decision Making

We are nearly four years into marriage and still feel like we face new challenges and new

excitements every day. Marriage has been four years of growing, stretching and learning how

to navigate life together as one, but as two very different people. In fact, “compatible” would

probably not be the word to best describe our personalities- we are opposite in nearly every

way! While that may sound counterintuitive to some it has actually been a powerful journey of

learning how to see the strengths in each other while also learning to love our shortcomings.

Each marriage has its own unique challenges, but there is one that is constant throughout every

marriage: marriage requires making decisions. No marriage can avoid the seasons of decision

making, it is a part of every one of our lives. We have personally made a few very big decisions

since getting married such as purchasing a home, becoming licensed foster parents, and taking

in three (yes, THREE) newborns into our home within two years. If there is anything that we

have learned, and are still learning, it is that in any marriage decision making can be very

stressful and often cause tension in your relationship. Making decisions doesn’t have to be so

difficult, in fact, by using these three guidelines when facing big decisions we believe you will

not only make better decisions, but you will do so without the stress and strain on your

marriage.

THREE GUIDELINES TO STICK TO WHEN MAKING DECISIONS TOGETHER:

Guideline #1: Pray for Godly Wisdom

Prayer is an often-misunderstood part of our faith, many people view prayer as a last resort in

stressful situations, but we would challenge you to look at prayer through another lens. Just as

a good parent desires to help their child make the right decisions in life, so our Heavenly Father

desires to do the same. What if we were to pray and invite God into our situations before

making decisions that might put us in a tough spot? We believe one of the most heartbreaking

beliefs about God is that He doesn’t care about the small details of our life, this isn’t true. God

cares very deeply about each us so intimately which in turn means He cares about the decisions

we make. We have decided, in our house, we will ask God for His guidance and direction before

we make any major decisions.

Guideline #2: Seek out Godly Counsel

There’s nothing worse than the feeling of being alone or like no one knows what you are

dealing with, especially when faced with a life altering decision. God has designed His Church to

be a body of people to love, serve and be there for each other. We rarely, if ever, make a

decision without first asking someone wiser than us to pray with us and help guide us through

our decision making. A very wise couple has said to us many times “you don’t know what you

don’t know and what you don’t know can hurt you.” When you are unaware of the risks or

dangers that come with a decision you are vulnerable to pain that you do not need to endure.

The truth is, there are many Godly couples who have already walked through some of these

seasons and can be there to guide you along the journey and help you avoid making the wrong

decision. Submitting to godly counsel can protect you from storms that you never should have to

walk through and from things that we cannot see. We will always open our lives to the counsel

of people that God has placed ahead of us and we believe that it will protect us from making

the wrong decisions.

Guideline #3: Stack Hands with Each Other

The following phrase or piece of advice that a couple gave us prior to our wedding day was

simple, yet profound: “Two yes’ is a yes, but one no is a no.” You may need to read that out

loud a few times to fully understand what it means, but once you do it will serve you well in the

days to come. This phrase simply means that when one of us says no the other has to honor

that the answer is ultimately no. We have taken that phrase quite literally when faced with

major decisions, unless both of us say yes we won’t move forward. While that might sound

simple in theory it can be difficult to follow, how tempting it can be to disregard your spouse’s

opinion and make that large purchase anyway! But this principle goes far beyond purchases and

preferences. Deciding what couch to buy (a real thing for us in the Robinson household) or

choosing what school your child will attend (about to be a real thing in the Robinson household)

only matters for a season, but when all of that fades, your marriage will still matter. We always

say that we never want to get to the other side of making a major decision, realizing we made

the wrong choice and one of us saying to the other “this was your fault, you decided we should

do this.” When we both stack hands on a decision, we can get to the other side in unity

whether it was the right decision or not. A right decision or wrong decision is important, but the

more lasting issue is if we are unified. In Psalm 133 the Psalmist writes that “where there is

unity, the Lord commands a blessing.” We want our marriage to be a place where God

commands a blessing because we chose to live in unity with one another, even if it means

sacrificing when your spouse says no.

Making major life decisions are inevitable, but when you stick to these guidelines you will find

that God will bless your marriage, your decisions and your relationship will be stronger for it.