Have Serious Fun!

 Have Serious Fun

Blending two lives into one can be messy. Those wedding vows are just the beginning of a long, complex journey to stick together, no matter what! For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. And all the days and years in between!  

We have had plenty of highs and lows since we said those vows over 55 years ago, but today we can honestly say we’d rather be with each other than with anyone else in the world! In fact, we identify with the person who said, “The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn’t marry me!”

One of the secret ingredients to longevity and fun in our marriage has been laughter. Did you know that laughter is good for the body as well as the soul? It’s like jogging on the inside! Laughing for 15 seconds can add two days to your lifespan! Proverbs 17:22 says, A cheerful heart is like good medicine.

Essayist & biographer Agnes Repplier, known for her common sense and good judgment, said, “We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.”

But life is full of stress, isn’t it? Someone needs to pay the bills, do the laundry, feed the kids…not to mention unexpected pain. Cancer. Job loss. Betrayal. How can we have fun in the middle of that?

Did you know that Jesus was a fun guy? He loved weddings, dinner parties, hanging out with all sorts of interesting people! Following Jesus is a serious matter. It takes commitment, courage & faith. Living with another human as man or wife is a serious matter, too. It takes commitment, courage & faith. But if we stop there, we miss all the FUN!

If we cannot relax in our relationship with Jesus, it becomes all about work, work, work. Will He love me now? Am I good enough? Do I measure up? Same with marriage. If we cannot relax in our relationship with each other, it’s not much fun. And no one wants to live with someone who is constantly on edge or accusatory or even dull & boring! Did you hear the results of a recent study? It found that women who carry a little weight live longer than the men who mention it! (This is a joke…but you get the picture.)

Here’s a helpful question to ask yourself: “Am I fun to live with?”

JOY: To be honest, in the early years of our marriage I wasn’t much fun at all. Relaxing is something I was never that good at. As a child, my image of God was distorted. I saw him as someone who was out to get me when I messed up. As I grew in faith, I began to sense how much God delights in me as his beloved daughter and found new levels of freedom & trust. That spiritual healing led to emotional and relational healing.

Some people are born funny. I’m not one of them. Don is the love of my life. Nearly 57 years ago, I fell in love with this incredibly funny, gorgeous guy…and then I married him! He suddenly wasn’t nearly as funny. His spontaneity drove me crazy. I launched an all-out campaign to change him. When we were first married, when he asked what I thought of his sermon, I thought he really wanted to know! Someone once said, “Nagging is like being nibbled to death by a duck.” And Proverbs 19:13 says, “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”

My heart aches when I think about the early years of our marriage. My fun-loving husband was slowly dying. One day I realized that when Don left the house, all the laughter left with him! I knew I had to change.

Romans 15:7 says, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” I made a conscious choice to delight in my husband just as God created him. And I asked God to help me develop a sense of humor.

It didn’t happen overnight. Every day I prayed for a spirit of gratitude to replace my critical spirit and gradually I began to change. God needed to grow me so that we could grow together. I learned the fun of laughing at myself! Fun emerges from a spirit of humility! You see, I tend to be harder on myself than anyone else and that is no laughing matter! I’m still a melancholy personality, but as I choose to relax in God’s delight in me, I can relax in my husband’s delight and truly enjoy this amazing person God has given me to share my life with! That’s serious fun!

DON: I’m the fun person!! I’ve never had a problem finding the humor in life. But one thing I’ve had to learn is to be mindful of what I laugh at.

The kind of humor we use is important. Humor can be used as a hammer to ridicule and belittle. Cheap shots and coarse jokes are not humor; they are harmful. It’s not sophisticated; it’s sin. 

For example, before we were married, I sometimes joked about people with special needs. Rightfully so, Joy hated it. She told me that I had to stop. It was non-negotiable if we were going to continue our relationship. She was right. The ironic part of this life lesson is that I had no idea I would eventually have a job in grad school driving children with special needs; or that one of our sons would have special needs; or that I would serve in a special needs ministry in a church that is known for its care for people with special needs.

The thing is, what we laugh at and about matters and not everyone laughs at the same things. People need a certain level of comfort before they feel free to laugh. Our spouses need to know they will not be “laughed AT.” We need to know that the other person believes in us and is for us.

Ask yourself: What makes me laugh? Is it the same thing as my spouse? What changes can we make that will bring a deeper comfort level to the humor in our marriage?

Fun brings intimacy. It nourishes joy. We get this feeling in a movie theatre when everyone laughs together, a feeling of intimacy. Laughter is a connecting point.

There is a Biblical principle: Criticism separates; joy unites.“The more things we can laugh about, the more alive we become. The more things we can laugh about together, the more connected we become.” - Frank Pittman

JOY: So how can we become more fun to live with? First, don’t take yourself so seriously. Lighten up. Relax. Learn to laugh at yourself! I’ll never forget the day I walked into the office for an important appointment. I was feeling quite good about the professional outfit I had chosen for the occasion. After stopping briefly at the restroom and bounding up the stairs, I sauntered up to the receptionist, all set for the big meeting. She took one look at me and burst out laughing. In fact, she could not stop. Finally, she pointed to my back where a long string of toilet paper hung from my waist to the floor! I have never laughed so hard in my life! And that has never happened again!

Remember to look for the funny around you! Find ways to inject fun into the ordinary moments of your marriage.

DON: One day I decided to throw a tiny bit of cold water on Joy while she was in the shower. She screamed! Then got revenge! That spontaneous act has become an ongoing touch of surprise that has injected plenty of fun into our marriage! Humor can brighten even our darkest moments. 

Here’s a tip: Think surprise. During a season when we were stretched to the max with family and work responsibilities, I decided to plan an overnight getaway. I didn’t tell Joy. After a lovely evening, I turned into the driveway of a nearby motel. “We are spending the night here,” I said. Joy’s mouth gaped open. “But I don’t have any jammies or makeup or anything,” she protested. I opened the trunk and pulled out a small bag filled with most of what she needed. We had a great night!

Study your spouse’s funny bone. Learn what gives your spouse joy! I love laughing at the comics; Joy? not so much! Joy finds joy putting puzzles together; me? not so much! One of the most loving things Joy has chosen to do in our marriage is to learn all about football so she can enjoy watching games with me. It brings us joy!

JOY: Have fun TOGETHER! Let loose! Nurture your inner child! You don’t have to spend a lot of money! When we got married, we had no money. Our food budget was $5.00/week. Some of our most cherished memories are Sunday afternoon picnics in the park. On the menu? Hot dogs and chips! Not very nutritious, but we had fun together!

Grab a walk on the beach. Work out together at the gym. Enjoy a game night for two. Make up silly songs and sing them together as loudly as possible. Do something outrageous. In the last few years, we have had fun together parasailing, ziplining, taking dancing lessons, and, of course, enjoying date night at CF! That’s serious fun!

My life verse is Nehemiah 8:10: The joy of the Lord is your strength. True, God gave me an amazing husband who enjoys life and sees the best in everyone, but without the joy of Jesus our marriage would not be nearly as much fun. The cool thing is that when we naturally have fun together…in the good times and the bad…it spills onto those around us.

DON: We didn’t have a lot of rules when our kids were growing up, but in her teen years our daughter Juli loved to debate the boundaries and see how far she could stretch them. This resulted in many conversations – some quite intense! In her words, she didn’t win many and her frustration left her with a desire to be angry.

Recently, as Juli was reflecting on the hard times in her marriage, she told me, “Dad, I didn’t always like what you said to me, but you always left me laughing! I kept waiting for that to happen with my husband…but it never did.” Injecting appropriate humor into hard situations can dispel anger and lead to healing relationships.

Pastor Todd and Julie have a beautiful family mission statement: “Love God. Serve God. Serve people. In a party-ish way!”

Choose to have some serious fun in your marriage! It works!